a bit out of sorts.

i hate winter. the older i get, the more i hate it. mostly, i hate the fact that the sun doesn't shine. i hate the cold. and i hate the bad weather. i'm ready for spring, but it won't be here for a few more months. *sigh*

when winter arrives i slow down. i have more time to sit and think and that's not always a good thing. when i'm running 100 mph, i don't have time to think. i put myself on autopilot and continue on with life. but on days like this when i have zero motivation, i start to think. and i start to not like some things around me, like oh, i dunno, my job.

i just can't get motivated to do what is required of me every day. i'm tired of being yelled at. i'm tired of doing other "special" projects. i want to go back to when i had no responsibility (or at least very little) in my job. but, if i do that, i can't so much pay the bills.

i feel stuck.

i've talked with a friend here at the university about leaving after i finish my graduate degree. but even then, i'm not sure what i want to do. working here though is fantastic. the people are great. the benefits are pretty good. the vacation time rocks my world. there is no way i would find another place with as many perks. but, but...i don't want to do the job. or any other job on campus for that matter.

i need a change...or maybe i just need something to look forward to. before christmas vacation, we all looked forward to the long break. but now that we're back, we don't have anything until march -- and that's just 2 days for spring break. i know i'm whining now...my apologies.

i guess i just wish i knew what i wanted to do when i grow up. unfortunately, nothing grabs my attention. why can't i just win the lottery and be done with it all? working seriously cramps my style.