around 11am, i decided that i needed to see leah. no rhyme or reason for it really, except out of pure selfishness on my part. i haven't seen leah very much this past week and i am really missing her! on monday, i only saw her for a portion of an evening as she was at my in-laws house. i didn't see her at all on tuesday and she is going to a friend's house tonight after school to play. tomorrow, i have class, so there goes my thursday. and on friday, she's going to a slumber party and i'm heading out of town. the next time i'll really get a chance to see her is this coming sunday. and after thinking about that all morning, i decided that i just had to see her.

i left work around 11:30am and stopped by subway to pick us up some lunch. i surprised her while she was standing in the cafeteria line and when she saw me, she beamed! we put her tray and milk away and headed to the table where we always sit when i eat with her.

we chatted about how her day was going and about what they had been doing. i gave leah a cookie and passed along the cookie i had bought for myself to her best friend, macy. leah and i talked about whether or not she's playing softball this spring (she says she's not) and whether she really wanted to go to jamie's house tonight after school (she does).

she gathered our trash and threw it away in the garbage can and then snuggled up on my lap. she placed her chest against mine, draped her long legs to my side, and rested her arms on my shoulders. she lay her head on my shoulder and just sat there while i rubbed her back and gave her kisses on the nape of her neck. she didn't wiggle. she didn't laugh with her friends when they tried to grab her attention. she just loved on me and i loved on her and in all honestly, i was shocked that she did so.

and the whole time we're sitting there i'm just thinking about how blessed and lucky i am to have her. i know that all too often i take my girls for granted; i'll be the first to admit it. i forget when i get angry or irritated with them that there are women out there who would love to be in my shoes, disciplining a stubborn child. i forget that there are some moms whose children are gone or whose children have special needs and would love to be in my shoes, cleaning up yet another mess in the playroom. i forget that there are moms who would love to have the kind of relationship that i have with my daughters, but whose daughters have somehow fallen away. i forget these things.

but today, sitting with leah, i didn't forget. and in that noisy cafeteria, the rest of the world fell away as i took in all the love of my "not-so-baby" baby.